Our Founder On The Loss Of His Mother
Life is funny sometimes, the way things can be turned on their head in a matter of seconds. You hear about it in the news, occasionally from friends about someone they know, seemingly rarely from friends about their loved ones, and even more rarely experience it with your loved ones. Everything is stable, even trending positively in life until it all crumbles in an instant, and the world never looks the same as it had seconds prior.
My wife and I were on a much anticipated - and frankly much needed - beach trip. I was burnt out from the demands at my corporate job, and was looking forward to some time with her to relax and recalibrate. After a nice long weekend, some exploration, quiet days reading on the beach, and some good meals, it was unfortunately time to head back to “reality”. We landed back at home around 9:00PM and I texted my mother, as I always did, when we landed to let her know we were back safe and I loved her. It was late, so we hustled to get through customs so we could grab the dog from our friend’s house and get home as quickly as possible in order to get settled and prepare for work the next day. After a hectic day of travel, we finally made it home a little after 11:00PM and quickly went to sleep.
The next morning I’m in full work mode, responding to emails from my time out - I had completely ignored my email while at the beach - and triaging issues to respond to while taking part in a couple of meetings. During a mid-morning meeting I received a text from my cousin, which was unusual, asking if I had spoken to my mother over the past couple of days. I responded that I had not as we did not have cell service at the beach, to which she replied both her and my aunt had not been able to get a hold of her since Saturday. It was Tuesday. This was unusual because my mother always answered the phone, and if for some reason she couldn’t, you got a call back the same day. She was always there for her people. I realized that during the chaos of trying to get home and back into work, I hadn’t noticed that she hadn’t texted me back yet. Also unusual.
My mother and I had always been very close. She was always involved with the parent-teacher association at school, as team mom for my sports teams, and would help with (and sometimes complete a not insignificant portion of) the school projects I waited until the very last minute to tell her about. She was there when my girlfriends broke up with me, I had a bad day at school, or played poorly on the baseball field. She never missed a life event - sporting or otherwise - and would stay up late to help with the difficult levels of Super Mario that I couldn’t beat. She was never short of sage or honest advice. Her laugh could light up a room, and she loved to explore new things and have fun. She was always, ALWAYS, there when people needed her.
When I got out of my meeting I called my mom. No answer. My mother always answered the phone when I called, and if not I knew she was busy and would call me back later. However there was an unspoken rule between us that if I called twice in quick succession it was important, and barring being under anesthesia she ALWAYS answered the second call. I waited a few minutes and called a second time. Again, no answer. I got a pit in my stomach, called my boss, grabbed my keys, and made the 25 minute drive to her house. It was a gut-wrenching 25 minutes, trying to make it all make sense and reassure myself everything was ok. It wasn’t.
I made a 911 call 10 minutes after arriving and finding my mother dead in her kitchen, as the world as I knew it collapsed around me. In an instant, the bright and loving soul that was my mom was no longer here.
I spent the next couple of hours crying uncontrollably into my wife’s shoulder while the police and medical examiner did their thing. I was able to muster myself to get out of the car when she was wheeled out of the house, my wife was given a few pieces of paper from the police and medical examiner, and that was it. On an otherwise normal Tuesday in August, two-days before we were due to celebrate her birthday, my mother was gone, and my life forever changed.
As odd as it is to say, her death inspired me to flip the traditional process of estate planning on its back. It's time we talk about it, plan for it and have the right tools in place for when we leave earth.
Welcome to The Deadbook. 🤍
